Day 6

Cerulean, cobalt that

bright, vibrant blue

a thousand stained glass windows

a serene ocean

the rounded cupolas

atop the houses of Mykonos

so many beautiful things in blue

and yet, each time my

eyes set against such color

I feel a spring floor under my bare feet

my body swathed in sweat and spandex

my hands ripped and bleeding

covered in chalk

I had a friend who

smelled varnish each time

he saw a hardwood floor

another the scent of salt

(having spent many hours

swabbing down ship decks)

still another who could not

remember the street names

he daily walked but knew

by knots and whorls

the species of the tree

that had been cut to walk upon

I see the slats of wooden floors

and hear the strains of Stravinsky,

feel obliged to point my toes

compelled to stand aright

Certain ground feels like home

my standing on it innate

Yet other flooring is more foreign

the wet tile of natatoriums

the gummy, minging mats

of weight rooms

It is difficult to belong when

I do not know how to stand

Years and ailments away

from my training

on hard wood and blue carpet,

I have grown accustomed to

walking those other surfaces

with the smack of flip flops

and the squeak of aging trainers

but today, I lost my shoes

It was time to go to the gym

(not the blue-carpeted kind)

the odorous gym

filled to bursting with

trim, fit humans

weights and machines

which conjure inadequacies

and apathy in abundance

I had made a commitment

but could not find my shoes

Failing to find suitable replacements

(pink floral flats? knee-high leather boots?)

I pulled a pair of not-quite sneakers

flat, brown and quite old

onto my feet

Observing myself in the mirror

faded, green, college t-shirt

lilac track pants

brown shoes

I may as well have been wearing

a bedazzled Hawaiian shirt

and black socks with sandals

I laughed, pulled on my coat

and walked my pudgy, arthritic,

nearly 30 year old body

into a stinky gym

where 18 year olds with 2% body fat

stared at me and giggled

I made eye contact waved and smiled

Settled my bum onto the stationary bike

opened my book

(about an Anglican priest)

and began my cardio

It felt fabulous

I am grateful for perspective

for the ground I stand on

(all sorts)

for identity in Christ

and nothing else

and once in a while,

I am grateful

for dance shoes