Held

I am out of control
I have chosen to be
since learning that
holding tightly is no way
to live

Even so,
it never feels right
to have open hands
Open is too close to empty

Upon (again) remembering that
I am out of control
I search for Your face
Only in this moment realizing
that I had lost sight of it

Shame tucks round me
How, why
do I look to anything but You?

You give me a picture
a baby
soft and diapered
giggling, squirming
her gaze wanders
to every movement
every light
every shift

And then You say to me

We do not drop the baby
because she cannot hold our gaze

She is held

Wherever her eyes wander
She is still held