I have a song

I find myself singing in the elevator, "No greater love have I ever known". I hear my voice, just before the doors open, "You consider me a friend". Sitting at my desk, I smile at the small, joyful voice I hear and then realize it's my own, "Savior, He can move the mountains". In the car I sing as loudly as my lungs allow, "My God is mighty to save, mighty to save". Something in me dies when it is time to open the door and step outside. I have to quiet down. I'm not sure I can, "He rose and conquered the grave, Jesus conquered the grave!".

A conversation among friends on Friday opened my eyes just a little wider. Talking with people who are hoping for crazy things no longer scares me quite like it used to. It is contagious, this hope, this awakening. There is fear, to be sure, but I feel as though, I pray that, I will never be able to see the same way again. That this widening of my eyes sticks. That the world is just a bit brighter, that I see more potential, that I pray for more to happen, that I never return to the dim vision that only days ago, I never knew I had.

I prayed for a dream on Saturday night. I asked. I slept and dreamt and remembered every morsel. I am not certain of it's meaning or significance. But I know that I received. I believe that I received an answer to a question. If nothing else, I received an experience that has changed me further still.

Is it what I saw in the dream, what I interpreted that makes me sing? Perhaps. I dreamt things that are difficult to believe, if only because I want them very much. It is more difficult to believe for things that I desire so deeply. The more specific the thing in question, the closer to my heart, the more risk that is involved, the more difficult it is to believe. To believe that something is true, that something will happen, that somehow, I have really heard from God.

Or perhaps I sing because of something greater. Not the answer itself, the meat of the response, but the experience of receiving a response. An experience of God's goodness- his willingness to answer me, more experience in His presence. The knowledge that I am in touch with Him keeps me, regardless of whether what I dreamt happens in the future or not. The knowledge that as I continue to ask, He will continue to answer. Is this what makes me sing? If so, I think that I will keep singing. I hope that I will keep singing. I pray that I will keep singing.

However, I may just need to add a few new songs.